Monthly Archives: April 2015

Spring in Oberöwisheim Germany

photo provided by Alfons O. in Oberöwisheim, Germany

 

Grandpa Bob’s

Quotes, Rules, Laws, Questions, & Comments

Also Tips from the Other-side, & such:

A few days ago my best friend from high school sent me a ” Viet Nam Veteran” cap. I never had one of these before, and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because we served together. My friend Ron was considerate enough to think of me and send it.

 Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world’s largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief.

Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people who frequent the establishment. But, I digress…enough of my psychological fixations.

 While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, “Are you a Viet Nam Vet?”

“No,” I replied.

“Then why are you wearing that cap?”

“Because I couldn’t find the one from the War of 1812.”

I thought it was a snappy retort.

“The War of 1812, huh?” the Walmartian queried, “When was that?”

God forgive me, but I couldn’t pass up such an opportunity.

“1936,” I answered as straight-faced as possible.

He pondered my response for a moment and responded,

“Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?”

“It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it.”

This was beginning to be way fun!

“Dude! Really?” he exclaimed. “How did you get to do something that COOOOL?”

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said,

“I’m not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission.”

“Dude,” he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, “that is seriously awesome! But, didn’t you kind of stand out?”

“Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage.”

The moron nodded knowingly.

“Listen man,” I said in a very serious tone, “You can’t tell anyone about this.

It’s still ‘top secret’ and I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Oh yeah?” he gave me the “don’t threaten me look.”

“Like, what’s gonna happen if I do?”

With a really hard look I said, “You have a family don’t you? We wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, would we?”

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.

By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack, she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.

Giving him another “deadly” serious look, I made the “I’m watching you” gesture.

He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time ! Tomorrow I’m going back with a Homeland Security cap.

Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap.

 

i2-GBob

“Thoughts” as related by Grandpa Bob

Elise & Richard R.

Elise & Richard R.

Elise is Grandpa Z’s Grand Niece.

Four Generations – Marie, Shannon, Gayla, Ernest – 1987

[good-old-gallery id=”6588″]

Bryce Canyon National Park in the state of Utah, U.S.A.

Rose-breasted Grosbeak stop by the feeder.

Rose-breasted Grosbeak stop by the feeder.

Grandpa Z’s Weekly Puzzle –

Contest period – April 20 through April 24

Level of Difficulty: 1 of 10

The Poodle

A lady took her poodle for a walk.  The dog did not walk ahead of her, behind her, or on one side of her.  How come?


 

 

To enter the weekly puzzle contest, fill out the puzzle form below

(all lines must contain text), then click the Send button:


 

Your Name (required)

Your City & State (required)

Your Email (required)

Your Answer (required)

captcha
Type the above characters in the box below!



Answer:

The dog was on the OTHER side!!!

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The correct answer may be viewed here on Saturday & Sunday!

This Week’s Puzzle Results: Attempts: 8; Correct: 3;

Persons with the correct answer for this week’s puzzle

Who got it right??

 

1.)  Alphons O. in Oberöwisheim, Germany

2.) Paul H. in Louisville, Ohio

3.) Gayle B. in Greenwich, Ohio

4.)

5.)

6.)

7.)






The Best Record Ever:

Mind Boggler 2 –

31 on February 9, 2007

The Worst Record: Zero (0)

August 11, 2014 – Triad based on tonic of G Major

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct… leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”