Monthly Archives: February 2014

 

Grandpa Bob

Quotes, Rules, Laws, Questions, Tips & Comments

Also Thoughts from the Other-side, & such:

 

Believe in miracles.

“Thoughts” as related by Grandpa Bob

Formerly of rural Lenoir City, Tennessee

 

The 2013 Darwin Awards Are Out! 

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here Is The Glorious Winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And Now, The Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

 

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Edgar, Shannon, Abby, Ethan, & Lizzie

Stop Motion Photography by Rhonda

 

The PreAmp Project

The PreAmp Project

Close up

Close up

Show & Tell

Show & Tell

Soldering

Soldering

The End

The End

Someone I Know

© Lily V. Tran
There’s someone I know
Who I really can’t stand
I wish he would bury his
Head in the sand or
Move to the moon or
Deeper out of space
Whenever I see him
I make a weird face
Today during recess
Outside the yard
He suddenly gave me
A valentine card
I wish that he hadn’t
It made me upset
It was the prettiest one
I could possible get

Source: Friend Or Foe, Someone I Know, Funny Valentines Day Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/friend-or-foe#ixzz2tIFKh2iz
Family Friend Poems

Lizzie, Mickey, & Ethan  January 2014

Lizzie, Mickey, & Ethan
January 2014

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he

thought she might need a hearing aid.

 

Not quite  sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to

discuss the problem.

 

The  Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband

could  use to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing 

loss.

 

‘Here’s  what you do,’ said the Doctor, ‘stand about

40 feet away from her, and  in a normal conversational speaking tone

see if she hears  you. If  not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on

until you get a  response.’

 

That  evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was

in the  den. He says to himself, ‘I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see 

what  happens.’ Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for 

dinner?’

 

No response.

 

So the  husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his

wife and  repeats, ‘Peg, what’s for dinner?’

 

Still no response.

 

Next he  moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his

Wife and  asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’

 

Again he  gets no response.

 

So, he  walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.

‘Honey, what’s for  dinner?’

 

Again  there is no response.

 

So he  walks right up behind her. ‘Peg, what’s for dinner?’

 

(I just  love this) ??

 

‘For God  sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!’

 

Grandpa Bob’s

Quotes, Rules, Laws, Questions, Tips & Comments

Also Thoughts from the Other-side, & such:

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men’s work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Virgil, Erra, T-Bone and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and a gallon of sweet tea. Be back in an hour.

Don’t mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.

I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter* 

“Thoughts” as related by Grandpa Bob

Formerly of rural Lenoir City, Tennessee